A Cupful of Glamour

I was not prepared for the room I had just entered. It was an enormous space with high ceilings, and at first glance was covered with every ornament an ostentatious palace should possess- carved molded ceilings, wall sconces, elaborate furniture, tall windows and sculptures...but upon blinking I could not decide if I had stepped into a room or a forest. Or maybe a courtyard.

Everything seemed to shimmer and move, even though at the same time it all seemed to be staying still. The pillar colonades wanted very much to be trees. The rugs were doing their best impressions of flowing water and the curtains couldn't decide if resembling flowers or moss best suited them. The ceiling was dizzying. It was painted to look like the sky...or maybe it was the sky, as I swear I saw a flock of birds dart off into a corner. The windows has no glass- or at least they seemed not to. Air flowed freely through the space that looked like leaded windows, but the "glass" behaved more like the ever changing liquid spectrum of soap bubbles.

My reverie was only barely broken by Cuthbert's voice bellowing:
Visitor to the Court of her Chromatic Eminence La Valtana--Lady Esteri Gridelin of Leeds!!!
(Lady? since when?)
There followed a strange chiming chorus which can only be described as a horn trying to mate with a xylophone. Figuring this must have been the fanfare, I summoned my inner royalty and did my best curtsey. Cuthbert was standing stark still besides me, looking annoyingly proper.

I saw a...flickering pattern coming towards me from what had seemed like a grotesque sculpture between the tree colonade, and it did not register as anything tangible until it was within a few feet of me. It approached with slow and deliberate grace, and spoke in a warm, musical sort of tone, like if a viola could speak perfect English.

"Welcome! I am honored that you join me today, Esteri."

My eyes were having trouble making sense of what I was seeing. I had the impression of an inordinately beautiful woman, but she was nearly impossible to look at. Her features were constantly changing- blue eyes, green eyes, violet eyes, pale skin, dark skin, pink hair, indigo hair...I won't even get into how mad her robes were. I felt dizzy, and unsure. This must be what doing drugs felt like.

La Valtana smiled gently, seemingly to acknowledge my predicament and her appearance slowly solidified. A tall fair woman with blonde hair and violet eyes gazed down at me from beneath the spread of a perplexing leafy crown with blue stars orbiting it (literally, they were moving). Her clothing was still writhing slightly in appearance-but at least now it looked like a dress. The fabric seemed restless as a leafy brocade spilled playfully about the purple silk upon which words kept appearing and vanishing. Her jewelry was also moving- being that it was primarily made out of butterflies and other winged insects. Her face was framed by a large Elizabethan style collar across which roman numerals slowly paraded, sometimes followed by occasional astrological symbols.

I'd heard numerous descriptions of faeries before, and I decided right then and there that all of them were hopelessly boring. This, by God, was a bloody faery standing in front of me. There was no other explanation. Even most dreams I had didn't have the knackers to be quite so bizarre, so I couldn't possibly be dreaming after all. I was being kidnapped by faeries, yes. That was it!.... Oh bollocks. Am I ever in trouble.

La Valtana regarded me with amused curiousity, as she was apparently watching my thought process. She smiled kindly and said "I understand this must be a lot for you to take in. Please sit with me. I promise to allay all your worries and answer any questions you most certainly must be having about now." She turned to Cuthbert, who was still maintaining maximum court composure by resembling a bloated, flouncy pinata. "Cuthbert, could you please find a seat for our guest and place it over near my chair?" "YES! YES YOUR EMINENCE!" Cuthbert blurted as if speaking was not unlike being constipated.

He scrabbled off to a near corner and returned with a soft plushy green ottoman covered in tassles. He placed it obseqiously next to what was apparently La Valtana's throne- what I had mistaken for a sculpture. "Thank you, Cuthbert." "YOUR EMINENCE!!" His nose was shifting between a striking cobalt blue and a distressed looking blue paisley pattern. La Valtana bent down to his eye level and addressed him gently. "You are free to go now, Cuthbert. If I need your assistance, I shall certainly call for you." She smiled radiantly. The Steward twitched erratically and could only blurt out "Passfelberry!!" as he awkardly toddled off.

La Valtana turned to me and sat gracefully in her seat. "You'll have to excuse poor Cuthbert. He's...a bit smitten. He's one of my newest palace attendants." She said, producing a twisty looking little pot from out of nowhere. She poured liquid from the pot into her hand, where it formed a cup. She continued to pour until the cup was full and with a smile, she handed it to me.

I regarded the cupful of swirling fuschia liquid with severe caution (remembering all the madness that is caused by eating faery food) and just as much curiousity. The smell was seductive- like flowers and grass and midday sunshine on a glistening pool filled with striped fish.
God help me if I should drink the stuff.

La Valtana poured herself a cup of dubious magic fluid as well, sipped it delicately, and then said "Now then Esteri, I imagine you are wondering what this is all about."